Not Myself

I feel like my muscles are shrinking.  Like my brain is flooded.  Like my eyes are blinking more slowly.  I'm trying to find a center.  A moment of enlightenment.  And as hard as I try, I feel like its just resting right away from my fingertips.

And yet, I feel like I'm not myself.  I am short tempered.  Take today for example.  I snapped at my dad for absolutely no reason.  And that upset me so much that I just burst into tears.

I wanna blame all this on so much, but when it comes down to it, there is nothing to blame except myself.  It's my fault I chose to be friends mostly with people that walk all over me.  I am to blame for caring too much.  For questioning the good things in my life.

And at the end of the day, I feel sorry for those that actually take the time to put up with me while I'm trying to deal with myself.  I am sorry.