Oh What A Day.

Today has just been one of those days.  I woke up this morning and just wanted 5 more minutes of sleep.  Instead I rushed to get ready and left my house at 7:15am, thinking I was gonna be cutting it very close to being just on time to work.  NOPE!  Half way there, I realized I wasn't thinking straight and was gonna be a half hour early to work.  No point in turning around though to just have to get right back in the car to head to work.  So I actually had breakfast before I started working.

Then all day if it wasn't one thing it was another.  Decided its hard to listen to myself tell every customer "Have a wonderful day." without getting the giggles.  Especially after a customer told me I sounded like I meant it, and laughed at me when I said I did.  Then I kept trying to give people who wanted hot coffee, cold coffee, and vise-versa.

I dunno.  Today was just a day where my brain stayed in bed while my body got up and was active.

So tonight I'm going to make sure my brain gets some real rest, and maybe it will be ready to work tomorrow.  I love my job, and I love the people I work with, but Thursday cannot come soon enough.

Donation.

I've been doing a lot of thinking today.  A lot of it has been about my life and where it is.  About what keeps me going everyday, even when I feel down.  A big player in that is, my organ donor.  I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for that person making that decision to donate their organs after their spirit left this earth, and their family being supportive of their decision.  That's why I will try everyday of my life to help people know what the importance is about organ donation.

Only a small fraction of the earth's population will know what it's like to receive the blessing that I was able to have.  And so many people are waiting just to have a chance to have what I've got.  That truly saddens me.  I myself waited on the list for 3 years.  That's a long time to wait.  And there are people that wait even longer than that.  Yet if more people became organ donors there wouldn't be such a problem.

I know that thinking about giving your organs away puts a fatality to life that people don't want to think about, but honestly, you never know when your last moments here will be.  

So, now I live everyday to the fullest because I was blessed with another chance.  I myself am an organ donor, and though they pretty much wouldn't be able to use any of my organs in another person because of the damage they've sustained over the years, my organs can be used to help find cures and for science.  Thats just as awesome.

I know that this video is a couple years old, but it is still very relevant.

Oops!

So I used my blogging time to play Borderlands 2.  Expect a better post tomorrow.

Seasons Changing

I love that it's turning into fall.  I am excited to drag out my sweaters and sweatshirts.  I get so happy when that time of year comes that I can layer my clothes.  When I can bundle up and wear my boots.

I prefer the rain.

I prefer the cold.

I am an Oregonian at heart.

I'm glad hat the heat is drifting away.  I need a change, and fall brings the change that I want.

Understanding

Words were said today.  Some harsh, yet needed to be said.  And after all was said and done, we are at a little better understanding.  Or at least I am.  I feel like I understand Kyle's frustrations a little more, and I can constructively work on myself some more.  It's good.  Progress is good.  I am proud that we can get through our little differences.

I am also glad that I at least attempted to say what was on my heart, instead of eating my feelings and shutting down.  Especially with my depression looming hard above me right now.

Needless to say, I truly love him.  If that means I have to really work on somethings that I have neglected for quite some time.  Things that I put walls up around, due to being hurt in my past.  Even opening up more.

I know he is who I want to be with, and at the end of the day I think that is what really matters over all.

Down In The Dumps

Today I just need encouragement.  It has felt like everything is just working against me today.  From people snapping at me, to nothing going as planned.  It's times like this that my depression really acts up.  I start to spiral because I feel like I'm losing control of everything.  I don't do well in situations like that.

So, sitting here in this quiet room, alone gets me thinking.  And then I turn on the emo music and I'm done for.  I start crying and letting out all the emotions I've had pent up.

I just feel like I'm wandering around in the dark, running into every wall in sight.  It's not easy.  I'm trying to make sense of things that just aren't making sense, and I feel like things are being kept from me.  I'm told that I don't open up much, but at the same time I feel like the people that should open up to me, aren't.  It just sucks because the double standards.  I wish that those didn't exist.

Being sick this past week hasn't helped.  It just gives me more time to myself and a lot more time to think.  Really not the right time for all of this to hit.  Makes it all more lonely.  I really hate feeling lonely.

I just need a hug, but instead I'm going to lay down with my hurt back and read my book while listening to some Motzart.  Hopefully that helps me drift off and forget about today.

Sick

So, I have been away for a few days.  This has mostly been due to being quite sick.  That kept me from really having the energy to even think about writing.  I just wanted to sleep and keep my fever away.  Sounds like it is going around though.

I am just glad to be on the downward slope of this thing.  I mean seriously, constant chills, runny nose, hacking up your lungs, and plain just not feeling good is not much fun.

I was glad to return to work today.  After working for this past month, sitting at home has become a difficult thing to do.  It is good though that I have the next two days off though.  I need to really get myself back to 100%.

So with that said, I'm going to get some shut eye.  Need all the rest I can get right now.

Thoughts On My Birthday.

A lot has been running through my mind today.  I guess that tends to happen when you turn another year older.  Life hasn't been easy, but I have to say, even through the rough parts, I wouldn't trade it for the world.  I have been blessed with such wonderful people.

One of those people was my grandmother.  I have been thinkin about her a lot lately.  She'd be so proud of how far I've come in my life, and how much I've grown up since she left us.  She's always in my heart, and has made me who I am today.  She's the one who helped to give me the strength.  I owe who I am to her.

I also have a lot of new friends that I've made.  They've made my day so awesome.  It has been a long time since I have felt happy on my birthday.  And they all succeeded today.  My heart feels content and I am truly blessed.  They're awesome.  I am a very lucky girl.

Slowly, and day by day, my life is feeling more complete.  A couple years ago I didn't think I'd make it to this point in my life.  And now I'm happy to see what the next day brings.

My life is truly blessed.

Lahdedah.

Well, I have to say that is some of the fastest getting ready, I've done in 4 years.  But I was glad to pick up some hours.  I just feel like a normal person again.  It's nice.  Being a person in everyday society.  I might value things more due to the fact that I went so long without having.

But now I must leave my computer.  Season premiere of Sons of Anarchy is about to start, and my full attention must be devoted to that!  (lol)

Monday, Monday.

My brain has really started to run away from me.  Halfway through my shift at work my brain checked out.  Not quite sure why, other than the fact that I was ready for my weekend.  I hate when my brain gets like this.  It just feels jumbled and like mush.  I mean, I can still go through all the regular functions, but its like it takes a couple minutes for me to realize what I'm doing.  And when I am like this, there is no filter between my brain and my mouth and I will say whatever.

I guess thats how I got the nickname "Sassafras".  Because when there is no filter, I tend to become sassy.

I think I need to sleep for an entire day.

Grand.

Today was definitely a great day.  I got to work with some of my favorite people, and the shift just flew by.  Even in a job that is very fast paced and can be full of high stress 95% of the time, having fun people to work with can make the job entertaining.  I feel this is a great fit for me.  I'm glad my life took this turn.

And then I spent the rest of the afternoon playing Minecraft with Kyle.  Granted, all I did was make an island full of trees, and then gather a bunch of wood for him.  Needless to say though, its still fun to just spend time together, even if we aren't doing much.

Life is pretty grand right now.

Caffeine Crash.

So I'm writing this as I'm about to fall into a caffeine coma.  11 shots of espresso was definitely too much.  And for once in a long time, I truly felt wired.  But now I'm not even sure what I'm saying, hence why I might not be making much sense.

At least I get to sleep in tomorrow.  HAHA!  7am is now considered sleeping in.  This doesn't sound right coming from me.

Off.

Today has been one of those days.  I have just felt a little off all day.  Like my brain has been in an off fog.  I've felt like I'm 5 steps behind all day.  Trying to catch up.  And I've finally gotten to my Zen place, just in time to go to bed.  I suppose that is good because it means I've hit my calm place for the night and I'll be able to rest easy.

I just hope tomorrow I feel a little more on my game.

I'm Really Not Political

So, I try to not voice my opinions on politics at all.  I don't like to argue, and it just gets me riled up when people try to prove to me why my opinion is wrong and their's is right.  I do feel though, that it's important to be informed.  To seek out knowledge and base your opinion off of facts.  How ever you take the information provided to you, let that base your opinion.  Don't go off spewing off random things and trying to convince people how you are right when you don't have anything at all to back them up.  And right now, I think people need to be informed.

I myself, am what I would consider independent.  I'm definitely more left than I am right, but I still have a little right in me.  (That sounds funny).  But I watched both the RNC and the DNC and have been following the issues so that I know who I want to vote for.

But this is what makes me sad.  President Obama is giving his speech tonight, and at the same time MTV scheduled the VMA's.  Now really, people need to be informed.  Not on who they think is the best singer or who is wearing what to an awards show.  They need to be informed on what could potentially be changed in America's future.  And wether you are for Obama or not, it's still good to know what he plans on doing if he is re-elected for another term.

I just don't know.  I don't get it.  If there are people voting for my future, I'd like them to be informed.  I don't want it to just be a whim.

Love

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." -Lao Tzu

I find these words to ring true.  I find that with love in my life I am both stronger and more courageous. Not just in the sense of "relationship" love.  But, all kinds of love.  Love between your family.  Love between your friends.  With out this love I would never have had the strength and courage to go through all that I've been through in the past 4 years.  Those people in my life gave me stability and encouraged me to hold on when I felt no hope at all.  They helped me to see that I was stronger than I ever thought I could be.  

I guess love really is one of the most powerful things you can experience in life.

Blah

I'm having a hard time coming up with anything to write about tonight.  So I'm going to sleep instead, and have a fresh mind tomorrow.

Cheesy

Caution...I'm about to get cheesy up in here...

I'd just like to say that I love my job.  I love the people that I work with.  It's so much fun.  Though it can be physically draining, I come home with a smile on my face.  I feel like I fit in.  Everyone is so nice, but at the same time know how to have fun.  It's a completely different experience from my old store, which makes it a better experience in a way.

I guess I've just hit this really happy and calm place in my life.  Almost every piece is falling into place, and only a couple more until I can truly feel more complete in this chapter of my life.

So I will continue to move forward in my life and do what I can to enrich it even more.

Pet Peeve!

Okay, so seriously.  Number one pet peeve!  STUPID DRIVERS!  Not only did I almost get side-swiped by some dumbass talkin on his phone and not paying attention, but I also almost got hit by TWO separate people who blatantly ran stop signs.

RIDICULOUS!  Learn how to obey the laws of the road!

Gaaaahhhh!

I'm too tired to write much more.

Hiatus

So, I know I've taken a short hiatus from my daily blog.  I just needed some readjusting time.  My life completely changed this last month, and I've been tryin to just keep track of myself.

I started working again, for one.  And, let me just say this, I never thought I'd be a morning person.  But I'm pullin it off.  Maybe thats just a part of really getting older.  Go to bed early, get up early, complete the daily routine and then start all over again.

I've also done a lot of thinking, and pondering.  Realizing where I've been in my life.  Seeing where I am now.  Knowing now that I truly am proud of myself and where I'm at in my life.  Even in this past year, I've matured so much more than I already had.  Seeing life and death in a different light.  Seeing myself in a different light.  Realizing that not only did I get dealt a tough situation in life (health-wise), but I SURVIVED it.  I look at pictures of myself before my surgery, right after my surgery, and then pictures from more recent days.  I realize how sickly I looked, and how healthy I am now.  I dunno, it's just a real amazing feeling.

Needless to say, I'm very proud of myself.