Today I just need encouragement. It has felt like everything is just working against me today. From people snapping at me, to nothing going as planned. It's times like this that my depression really acts up. I start to spiral because I feel like I'm losing control of everything. I don't do well in situations like that.
So, sitting here in this quiet room, alone gets me thinking. And then I turn on the emo music and I'm done for. I start crying and letting out all the emotions I've had pent up.
I just feel like I'm wandering around in the dark, running into every wall in sight. It's not easy. I'm trying to make sense of things that just aren't making sense, and I feel like things are being kept from me. I'm told that I don't open up much, but at the same time I feel like the people that should open up to me, aren't. It just sucks because the double standards. I wish that those didn't exist.
Being sick this past week hasn't helped. It just gives me more time to myself and a lot more time to think. Really not the right time for all of this to hit. Makes it all more lonely. I really hate feeling lonely.
I just need a hug, but instead I'm going to lay down with my hurt back and read my book while listening to some Motzart. Hopefully that helps me drift off and forget about today.
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